No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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