I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
time to smoke my breakfast
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you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
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The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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