I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
