someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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