i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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