I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
