it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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