i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
