Three words: puerto rican gang bang
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
