So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
