He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
