Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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