Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
