sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
