Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
