So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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