Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
