well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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