We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
