I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
