I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
