I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
