Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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