i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
