dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
