Do you still have your period?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
