Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
