i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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