i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
