Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
