Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
