just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
