Do you still have your period?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
