I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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