This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
