forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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