He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
