That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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