I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We're using joints as your birthday candles
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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