So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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