That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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