Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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