I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
