Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
