I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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