Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
