I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
