FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
