I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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