I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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