Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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