im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
