Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
