my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
