Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
