Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
