i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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