if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
