It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
