I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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