Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
