Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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