Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
