i just wanna soil my oats bro
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
