Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
