How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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