closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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