He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
