We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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