You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
