your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
