It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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