I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
