i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
