Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
